It’s been a crappy day. AKA It’s time to play dead in Savasana.

Yesterday was 20 hours long. My daughter had a trip that required we rise before dawn. She returned just before midnight. I worked in between. She played at Disney. She did not come home happier.

Because apparently I am the root of all her evil. This, I’m sure, is at least part of Being Twelve. My mother was the root of all my evil when I was 12. In fact, she was at least a portion of it until…well, until I’ve realized that the mother/daughter relationship is likely to be complicated forever. Which is to say, “still”.

I wonder if any of it is because her father has abandoned her. Or because I am a single mom. Or because I am dating a man who Is There For Us. And this makes her angry because it reminds her of Who Is Not. And it makes her feel crappy and “hurt people hurt people”.

So today raising a daughter is kicking my ass. It’s been a long morning of worrying about her, staying calm, setting boundaries, taking my Time Out. My list of things to do will get pushed into evening again. These days are long.

It occurs to me that this is the perfect time to lay flat, palms up. Bindu’s instructions (and I love that there are 8 instructions on the 8th day of June, the day that marks a lifechange for me as well):

1. Lie flat on your back with your legs stretched out and apart from each other so they naturally splay out to the sides. Move your arms slightly away form your torso and turn your palms upwards. Relax the hands. The fingers will naturally curl slightly inward.

2. Close the eyes. If possible place an eye bag or a piece of cloth across your eyes. Let the gaze of your eyes be softly cast downward toward the heart. This gaze helps relax the mind.

3.  To begin, breathe deeply and slowly. Don’t try too hard at all, just breathe a few times in and out and then let the natural breath of relaxation do it’s thing. The mind follows the breath.

4. With every inhalation let the rib cage expand and become heavy circumferentially. With every exhalation, relax the body more fully.

5. Let the legs be heavy. Like tree trunks.

6. Let your lower jaw hang loose. Release any clenching in the jaw. Let your tongue fall to the back of your throat heavy and relaxed. Relax your throat.

7. If your mind is jumpy or wanders, just sweetly bring it back to the breath and be patient in the pose.

8. Visualize a beautiful, holy place.

The Love just called to say, “Baby, since it’s our anniversary I would like to make you dinner. And I thought you’d like to swim in the ocean too.”

Yes, I cry at his goodness. I won’t have any problem visualizing a holy place.

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About tiajulianna

Creative spirit with a soul that is healing; inquisitive mind, maternal heart and very stubborn redhead who believes People Are Beautiful.
This entry was posted in Journeys, Mothering, Writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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